Escaping The Noise

What does your escape look like? Is it going to a quiet spot and journaling? Maybe meditating for five minutes? In order to be able to truly connect with yourself you need to be able to create a connectable environment.

It can be uncomfortable to be still at times and often takes lots of practice until it feels somewhat normal…but if you keep at it, even just five minutes a day of stillness will lead you to a clearer mind and an open connection to yourself and others.

 

Some ways in which you can practice this stillness:

Guided Meditations: There are lots of great apps that will walk you through meditations – my favorite is the “Calm” app! This contains podcasts and meditations for any setting or topic you desire!

Become the Observer: Close your eyes and simply observe how your body is feeling. Start from your toes working all the way up to your head including as many details as possible.

Simply Breath: Focus on your breath by

-Breathing in for 4 seconds

-Holding for 7 seconds

-Exhaling for 8 seconds

Finding a quiet spot and connecting through some form of meditation every day can do a variety of things for your overall health as well including:

  1. Decreases inflammation in the body
  2. Improves immune function
  3. Increase longevity & reduce cellular stress
  4. Less anxiety
  5. Improves mood
  6. Better focus & attention
  7. Less cognitive decline
  8. More stable blood pressure
  9. Lower stress levels

I challenge you to spend at least five minutes every day this week finding your escape from the world. This stillness will lead you to feel a deeper connection with yourself and in return, others as well!

Boundaries – The Greatest Sign of Self Love & Respect

 

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The first step to healthier relationships is to set and share boundaries. This may be boundaries ranging from “I can’t play at any soccer games on Sunday” or “I do not feel comfortable/safe talking to Jake because he is a bad influence so I will leave the room anytime he’s present in respects to myself.” Some of the time you don’t have to share your boundaries with the other person (like in the Jake example above). However, if you plan to still keep a relationship with the person it is crucial you communicate your boundaries. Over time, this will create real and meaningful connection – as you both share your wants, needs and feelings. This will also help validate both parties as you are being responsible for your own needs and supporting the other person to do the same.

So what are the steps? 

  1. Clearly state your boundaries, including the specifics of your boundaries (what, when, how long, why, etc)  
  • Understand your feelings, needs, wants, and thoughts regarding what you need to feel safe and heard in the relationship.
  •   Be clear and direct in the specifics of your boundaries and be assertive so the person knows what you mean and that you will honor your boundary.
  • Use “I” when establishing your boundary. Make sure your boundary is about you and not anyone else. Your boundaries are about you and your needs, not about controlling another person‘s feelings or behaviors.
  1. Clearly state outcome/consequences of the boundary not being honored and how are you will enforce the boundary
  • Share your boundary with the person.
  • The consequence of not honoring your boundary is something that you will or will not do – not what the other person will or will not do.
  • Hold your center when your boundary is being tested (because it will be). Stay firm and strong and look for the help of other people to support you in holding your boundaries until you feel that you can hold them on your own.
  • Let people know what you will think, feel and choose to do if your boundary is not honored/respected.
  1. Don’t set a boundary you are not going to follow through with 
  • If you make a boundary and don’t enforce it, that boundary will be another empty threat which will reinforce that you do not stand up for yourself.

Boundaries are tough, however, they give so much love to you and are incredibly necessary. I challenge you to use this three step method anytime you feel a need to place a boundary with someone – may it be big or small! Please reach out for any further questions regarding this topic. 

Hollydays 12 Days of Christmas Countdown

 

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Join me with the Hollydays countdown calendar! 12 days of pure service and love leading right up to Christmas! I have created this list in a way in that almost all of them are free! I hope you are able to join us in this exciting Hollyday Countdown and really see how just 12 days of service can make such a huge difference in your life and the lives of others! 

 

 

Day 1: Learn a new recipe and make a meal or desert for someone in need. Write down the recipe on a card and drop it off with the food! For more of a mystery – DON’T write who it’s from – keep it a secret and sign it as “someone who is thankful for/loves you.”

Day 2: Write 10 reasons why you are grateful for someone and give it to them along with another card of 10 things you love about you and give that card to yourself! 😉

Day 3: Reach out to someone totally new who you wouldn’t normally talk to and ask them how they are doing/tell them you’re thinking of them!

Day 4: Clean for someone you live with (make a bed, unload dishwasher, etc)

Day 5: Call a family member (uncle, aunt, cousin, grandparent, etc) and tell them how much you love them!

Day 6: Smile at 3 random people who look like they could use cheering up

Day 7: Write a letter to someone and list their best qualities

Day 8:  Send a friend a video that has inspired you this holiday season (Bible video, Service video, etc.)

Day 9: Give 5 people a genuine compliment!

Day 10: Create a “love jar” for someone you love and put all the reasons you love them inside on small pieces of paper folded up (add a big red bow and write down qualities on red and green colored paper to add a little more holiday to it!)

Day 11: YOU decide! Offer your favorite service activity to someone you don’t know (open a door, pay for meal in front of you, etc.)

Day 12: Send one of your favorite scriptures or quotes to three people you think could need a friend this holiday season!

I’m so excited to start this countdown and encourage you to share your results with us! Merry Christmas – remember how incredible you are this Holiday season!

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Drama Free Livin

 

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False beliefs affect your thinking, feelings and behavior. The way they influence you is by provoking these pathways to pain in your life:

  1. Self-Neglect – A lack of boundaries or positive habits that maintain your health and safety.
  2. Control – Attempting to evade fear and vulnerability by engaging in vain attempts to control the emotions and behavior of self and others.
  3. Distraction – Attempting to avoid pain by engaging in denial in order to not recognize (and believe you are not responsible for) the reality in front of you. Staying mentally and emotionally distracted with anything other than reality (truth).

 

Every Drama Requires Characters

Drama’s characters are the victim, the persecutor, and the controller. All three play very distinct roles and they each have clearly perceived “needs.” The “needs” that you think you have when you are in drama are lies. The truth is that what you need is to be out of drama. You need honesty, responsibility, and humility. Entering into drama creates pseudo-relationships that perpetuate distorted thoughts/false beliefs, and distort reality and truth.

Distorted thoughts and false beliefs are the cue that drama is present. In the following example, notice the dramatic roles (victim, controller, persecutor) being played out.

 

Victim

“Needs” to be irresponsible for oneself

“I’ll never be understood.”

“It’s not fair!”

“You’re always mad at me.”

I can’t do anything right.”

 

Controller

“Needs” to control people, situations, & emotions

Heroics

Enabling

Fix things/”help”

Manipulative – wants a certain emotional outcome

 

Persecutor

“Needs” to be right, aggressive

Views situations as threatening

Judge & jury; everything goes by me

Feels threatened – justifies aggression

Is perfect/never makes mistakes

 

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Outcomes of Drama

An outcome of participating in drama (lies) is that false beliefs and distorted thoughts (lies) are reinforced. As we engage in drama (lies), our attention is shifted away from ourselves as though others are the source of our problem (which is a lie).

 The instant you:

  1. Choose to be responsible for your feelings
  2. Choose to be responsible for your distorted thoughts
  3. Choose to be honest about your motives

….you will exit drama.

AND, you will re-enter drama gain if you:

  1. Choose not to take responsibility
  2. Choose not to be responsible for your distorted thoughts
  3. Choose not to be honest about your motives

 

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It is vital that you understand that the feelings you experience when you are in drama are NOT accurate or in truth. Being in drama is evidence you are inside your own distorted thoughts/false beliefs. Therefore, your emotions are an outcome –a reaction- of those distorted thoughts, and will be “off,” skewed, and not in truth. It is so important to not react to your emotions and believe that because you feel something intensely that it must be the truth. That philosophy, belief, or reaction is NOT the truth – and it leads many people away from finding the truth, because they aren’t willing or open/humble to get curious about why they feel the way they do. Look for the thoughts that are creating and supporting the emotions (strong or mild) and identify if those thoughts are in truth or distortion.

 

Don’t react to emotions without becoming curious about the thoughts that are creating them.

The way out of drama is to connect (be honest, responsible and humble).

-If you’re in drama, what you need is validation.

-If others are in drama, what they need is validation.

-If you “don’t feel like” giving yourself or others validation, you are in drama.

 

To truly exit drama you must:

  1. Ask questions of curiosity to identify distortion
  2. Identify feelings/triggers
  3. Receive validation from self and/or another person
  4. Reframe distorted thoughts back into truth

I encourage you to pay close attention to yourself this week on when you notice yourself slipping into drama. Don’t become upset with yourself, just keep practicing on getting back into the truth of the situation and you will see your life gradually becoming more meaningful as you are livin drama free! 

 

 

 

Letting Go

It’s so easy for people to get wrapped up in drama and not stay present. However, differentiating the truth from distortion helps you maintain a clear mind and a positive outlook on life. What is truth? Truth is stating the things you absolutely know to be the truth in a situation. Distortion on the other hand, is making up stories in our heads that don’t match up with these truth statements. It is crucial we replace our constant distortions with affirmations of the truth.

One example follows: “Sadie always ignores me; I must not be a good enough sister to get her attention.” This is total distortion! The truth is as follows: “There could be numerous reasons why Sadie isn’t talking to me and it has NOTHING to do with my worth. I am a daughter of God and am always good enough no matter what. I am responsible for myself and myself only.” That feels WAY better than the first version and this is what the truth is. At the end of the day, we all have infinite worth and any thought that tries to tell us the opposite is coming from the adversary.

It’s okay to have thoughts of distortion and it’s actually human nature to go right to the defensive side. However, it is up to us whether we let these thoughts linger or replace them with affirmations of the truth. Another example is as follows: “My roommate always takes my stuff. She doesn’t even respect me and things like this are always happening to me. Everyone walks all over me and I’m sick of it.” These sentences reflect living in shame. It is out option to look at ourselves like the target, but beating ourselves down is only dramatizing a story and being extremely unkind to ourselves. The truth is as follows: “I wonder if my roommate knows I don’t like her taking my stuff. I know this tends to happen a lot so I think I will politely ask her if she could ask next time. I can’t control so if she doesn’t change, so I will set boundaries to show love to myself. I know my worth and her taking my things has nothing at all to do with my personal worth.”

Speaking in truth is truly like a breath of fresh air! It increases your energy immensely and helps you think in the best mindset possible. I challenge you to replace those negative thoughts with what you know to be the truth in the situation. It’s crazy difficult, but so possible! If you continue to work and practice at it, it will soon become second nature!

Liberating Yourself from Distortion

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There are typically four main distortions you can fall into the trap of.

  • I am not enough
  • I am not worthy
  • I am unlovable
  • My needs don’t matter

The truth is exactly opposite; you ARE all of those things! It is up to YOU however, to not give into these distorted thought patterns and instead CHOOSE to believe the truth!

The truth is:

  • I am enough
  • I am worthy
  • I am lovable
  • My needs do matter

Easier said than done, but if you continue to practice this thought pattern your life will change immensely. You will find yourself having more energy and truly wanting to help others with nothing in return. Why? Because you won’t need anything in return. You will be perfectly content in your own skin.

A Human Need 

 

Validation is a human necessity in life in order to survive. All of us need it just as much as we need air to breath. We can seek this validation from friends, family and even acquaintances; however, you should not rely on these sources to tell you that you are good enough. Rather, it is crucial you take the time each day to give yourself validation. Why? Because at the end of the day YOU are the one responsible for loving yourself – no one else. While others can help uplift you, they can’t get inside your body and love yourself for you. Just as they can’t eat, drink or exercise for you – the same stands true with self-love.

When you feel validated, you are able to give more freely to others and in return validate those around you. Some may say “I feel uncomfortable when I give or others give compliments to me.” This is a sign of containing distorted thoughts and beliefs about yourself. This is common for a lot of people and if this is you, don’t stress just try practicing getting more comfortable believing the qualities you say or others say about yourself to be true.

When you are able to feel validated you will begin to not take certain circumstances so personally. I know I have struggled with this as I tend to take situations different than they really are because I am stuck in my pride. I can take things personal when they actually have nothing to do with me at all. The only way to get out of this pride cycle, is by stating in the truth. The main source of truth comes from validation affirmations. For example, suppose someone tells you that you have no future and it’s a shame you’re so old and not married; first off, it’s hard to see in the moment but anyone who says that is in complete shame of themselves and bouncing it onto you. It is important to stay in the truth and validate yourself, even if this means repeating in your head “I am a daughter of God and have infinite worth” 100 times, seriously! It takes a ton of practice and you will most likely feel like you’re going in and out of truth for a while, but I promise if you keep working at it it will soon feel like second nature.

I challenge you to write a list of things you love (or hope to) love about yourself by the end of the day. I find it helpful to write it on your phone or take a picture of it so you can refer back to it throughout the day. When you find yourself struggling or taking something personal or even if you need a little pick me up because hey we all need validation – read this list and BELIEVE it! Every son and daughter of God came to this earth with infinite worth. Just because you have made mistakes or messed up does NOT take away your infinite worth. Your worth is steady and does not change no matter what you do. Sorry, you’re stuck with being amazing! 😉 YOU are enough in all that you do and I can tell you that but it’s up to you whether you believe it for yourself!  So work each day to install this principle of self-validation and I promise you it will become immensely worth it as you become the BEST version of YOU!

Pumpkin Spice Protein Muffins 

 

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Ingredients: 

  • 1 cup oatmeal flour (quick oats ground in food processor)
  • ¼ cup almond flour
  • 1/2 cup Vanilla Whey Protein Powder
  • 3 egg whites
  • ½ cup Greek Yogurt
  • 1 cup pumpkin puree
  • 2 tablespoon honey
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1 medium banana, peeled and mashed
  • 1 1/2 tablespoon pumpkin spice
  • 1½ teaspoon baking powder
  • ½ teaspoon baking soda
Instructions: 
  1. Preheat oven to 350°.
  2. Place liners in one muffin pan and lightly spray with organic baking spray.
  3. In a large bowl combine egg whites, yogurt, pumpkin puree, honey, vanilla extract and banana.
  4. In a second bowl combine oatmeal flour, almond meal, vanilla whey protein powder, pumpkin mix, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
  5. Combine flour mix and egg mix together until smooth.
  6. Fill each tin ¾ of the way full, spreading evenly.
  7. Bake for 20 minutes.
  8. Store in the refrigerator.

Enjoy your healthy Halloween treat!! 

Makeup Lifesaver!! 

 

HAC guide

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It has always been a struggle for me to find makeup that provides coverage, but not too much while still enhancing my natural features. I found the company Maskcara a few months ago and am seriously in LOVE! Rather than caking on foundation and then putting on all the powder, contour and highlight; this line is simply just a cream base of highlight and contour blended together. Super simple and most importantly – incredibly fast! I spend about five minutes a day applying my face makeup, y’all I’m not kidding! You simply use one highlight tin ($14) one contour tin ($14) and a blush tin ($14) for those of you that wear it. My cheeks are naturally pink so I don’t usually wear the blush but totally your preference! Also, for those of you with oilier prone skin, the setting powder tin ($16) helps mattify your skin while setting the makeup so it lasts all day! If you buy four tins, you receive a super cute compact to keep them all in of your choice! The compacts are super stylish and the whole company is fresh and current.

How do I apply?

By following the guideline below, using a double ended brush (in which is also sold through Maskcara) in which you can apply the highlight to one side of the brush and contour/blush to the other side of the brush. Swipe the highlight, contour and blush onto skin following where the guide shows. Next, get a beauty blender damp (sold through Maskcara or if you already have a beauty blender, that works too) and tap it all over your face until it is all blended out! Lastly, grab the powder brush (sold through Maskcara) and apply the setting powder throughout your entire face.

How do I become color matched?

Simply send me a message or comment below with a no makeup selfie in direct sunlight!

How do I browse/buy?

https://hollyelise.maskcarabeauty.com/en/shop/party-6384/23

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