How to Say No to Self Doubt


You know that tiny voice? The one that’s inside of all of us. It comes out at different times for some and different degrees of intensity. However from time to time or constantly, we all suffer from this voice of self-doubt telling us reasons why we can’t do the things we internally want to. Many of us to make up excuses to help validate this voice on why this dream of ours is not a good idea. Some might say “I just don’t have the financial means to start a business, so it’s not practical.” Or others could say “my crush is absolutely gorgeous, way out of my league, and already has tons of boys/girls so I am sure so there’s no point in even trying.”

How sad is it that we let a tiny little voice of fear dictate our choices? What many people don’t understand though is that the voice of fear is so much deeper than the surface level of fear you may be experiencing. That level of fear drives all the way back from what you were taught in the experiences you saw as a young child. Did you ever have times in your life where you felt you weren’t enough? Were you bullied in school? Did your grades not measure up? Were your parents always busy and you had to do anything you can’t code to get their attention?

I know for me it was a specific word I was called – weird. People would call me weird all throughout my years of schooling and it really offended me for some reason. It started out in kindergarten when I met a group of girls I wanted to play with at recess but I wasn’t allowed to. Why? Because the girls decided I was weird. Why? Oh because I had curly hair of course and they all had straight hair and that wasn’t normal so that was weird to them. And that’s where all began. I told myself “they are right, of course that makes sense I mean I have curly hair and most of the girls at school have straight hair so that must mean there is something wrong with me.” How sad is that! I literally thought I had something wrong with me as a kindergartner because I was born with curly hair.

This fear of the word weird went on and I’m sure I was called weird just as many times as another person was but because it was such a trigger word for me, I remembered and held on to every single incident of anyone calling me weird after that day. This trigger word lead me to believe that there was something actually wrong with me and that I didn’t have the same chance of success as all the other people did because, well, I wasn’t normal and that was bad. 

And then I woke up. Finally. I was able to see the truth for what it was. I realized without even noticing it that I was having doubts about a lot of things because at the end of the day, I didn’t want to be called weird from the dreams I had or think I was too weird to even do them in the first place. Day by day I started to change my subconscious mind from feeling not enough to telling myself truth statements about myself. I would say statements like “the truth is no one is normal. The truth is I am a beautiful daughter of God. The truth is I love myself. The truth is I can do big things.”

These truth affirmations are so powerful and I really encourage you to use them and make your own anytime you see yourself going into your subconscious mind of fear. I challenge you to dig deep and find out what your source of doubt and fear stems from. Think about the first time you were offended as a child. Think about the times you didn’t feel enough as a child and how that affected you for years after. Then take all that garbage that was fed to you and get the heck rid of it! Start feeding your soul with the truth and day by day it will become second nature for you to view life and the truth of situations rather than be stuck in your subconscious past of feeling worthless and fearful. You are the only one in control of this and you have the power to shift your thinking and ultimately change your life. You can do it!!! 

Forgiving Oneself & Others

The struggle to forgive oneself is common. However, we always have an option in the way we view a mistake we have made- we can go into shame about it or be in the state of guilt.

Feeling badly about something you have done can sometimes be translated into “I am bad”. So you are not only feeling bad but you think you are actually bad because of what you have done. A lot of us think that that is the accurate truth when we hear that statement in our head. If you are not conscious you will agree with this thought and you won’t be able to clean the mistake up because shame will come in and tell you “I am bad, I am unworthy and I am unlovable because of what I have done.” This will block you from being able to feel remorse and contain the right guilt that enables you to truly let go and be forgiven. This also hinders any ability to change – as in a change of heart rather than a change of mind.

What energy is motivating you to change?

Is it shame or is it guilt?

If shame is the motivator you will only go through the verbal emotions of the repentance process and not be able to truly heal. Shame is toxic – and it’s normal to come up; it’s up to whether you are going to consciously turn that into guilt by understanding the actions you have done do not have anything to do with your worth or who you are as a person. Your actions might have been bad however you are absolutely 100% not bad, not even close.

Guilt gives you emotions such as regret and remorse and help you to be able to be accountable for the future by remembering what you have done and the consequences that have followed. Guilt allows you to be able to remain in a state of humility and lets you be open to receive feedback from others. This takes a lot of vulnerability and honesty. Guilt also includes having a willingness to make restitution so you can reconnect to yourself and others.

Be focused on “this is what I did” rather than that means “this is who I am because of it” 

If you go into shame you will not be able to change your heart rather you will just use your mind by going through the motions of repentance but not truly repenting because shame is in the way. You will not feel happy, content and peaceful after going through the motions of repentance because your shameful feelings will still be present telling you you are not enough. The goal is to change your heart. 

If you are focusing on being responsible for your actions and also knowing that they don’t determine your worth then shame will not be present. The choice of which to enter shame or guilt is only your choice.

Reality is only present when you are conscious of your decisions. When you are in the state of shame you are unable to be conscious because you are feeding lies about yourself that are not real. These lies are not the truth and therefore you’re not living in what is present. You are living in a skewed lens of sight instead.

Change of HEART = GUILT (remorse, regret, repentance, accountability, responsibility) 

STEPS TAKEN PLACE:

  • Focus on the other person and how you have affected them.
  • Understand your emotions as well as anyone who was affected
  • Feel empathy for the other person and yourself
  • Allow yourself to be vulnerable
  • Validate yourself and the other person (this can be really hard if shame keeps coming in, but it’s important and can be done!!)
  • Feel humility
  • Understand yourself as well as the other person
  • Be honest and confess the wrongdoings you have made (without going into shame or thinking “I am bad” because of it!)
  • Take full accountability and change anything needed to make amends (say sorry to others & repent)
  • Make a personal choice to change your actions going forward (remember this experience as a learning tool to help you in the future – remembering this helps you not make the same mistake over and over again!)
  • Choose to have a willingness to surrender and let go and authentically forgive myself and/or others. LET IT GO.

Change of MIND = SHAME (stuck, irresponsible, control, resistant) 

STEPS TAKEN PLACE:

  • A logical interpretation of the violation – you rationalize and minimize the behaviors to yourself as well as the behaviors of others.

Examples: “ they’re making a big deal out of nothing” or “ that wasn’t my fault”

  • Only your mind is involved and not your heart.
  • Make excuses
  • Unwillingness to have personal responsibility for the choices you’ve made.
  • Desire to control the situation and the emotions of yourself and/or the other person.
  • Absence of empathy and vulnerability (disconnected)
  • Resistant to change
  • Unwillingness to surrender (verbalize you’re sorry but don’t really mean it or feel that sorry)
  • A change of mind does not change your heart, therefore you will find yourself reverting into the same patterns and behaviors.

Genuine forgiveness is immediate. Forgiveness releases you from the dictating voices of shame that tell you “you can never be forgiven” and “because you did this you are bad and will always be bad.” 

Forgiveness motivates you in the direction of hope and excitement for life ahead. It gives you a desire for change and for connection with others. Forgiveness of self is a necessary choice and is often times overlooked because shame tells you that you cannot be released from the pain of your choices. 

You don’t need to prove anything in order to repent. All that is needed is to forsake and release going forward with a mindset to not go back to the same behaviors.

Forgiveness of oneself is a deliberate and continuous choice you must make – no one else can do it for you. It is a personal experience between you and God. It is a personal acknowledgement of the wrongdoing, not that you are a wrong person or anything to do with your worth. And then a request to have that weight lifted and be forgiven. 

If you are unsure what state you are in, look and see if you are in the attitude of blame. This blame could be towards yourself or towards others. If you are in a state of blame you are feeling shame. If you are in responsibility, you are most likely in guilt.

Ask yourself:

Are you at rest? 

If not what in your life needs to be settled? 

Do you need to repent of something or to someone? 

Do you need to offer forgiveness that you have been refusing? 

Identify what needs to take place. Repent of that and/or forgive and let it go! And remember your actions do not determine who you are. Ever.

TREAT YO SELF 

 

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Treat yo self. One of the best ways to give yourself validation is to do things for YOU! Just cuz. Even little things can help you boost your self-esteem and overall mood. And once you validate yourself, you are more freely able to give to others. You must be content with yourself first before you are truly able to authentically and whole heartedly love others without hidden motives or agendas.  I came up with a list of some free ideas you could do. I know life gets busy, but I challenge y’all to at least do one this week!

 

 

-For my readers: head to the library and bring or pick out a good book, sit down and relax

-Make your favorite treat or meal

-Go for a walk outside

-Watch your favorite show

-Give yourself five minutes of doing nothing but breathing

-Learn about something you’ve always been interested in

-Take a nap…this one goes out to all my college students 😉 take even 20 min to rest from the day

-Try out a new sport

-Give yourself a foot massage

-Study one of your favorite religion topics or books

-Set new goals for yourself this month

-Go to bed early. Like earlier than 12pm early.

Go ahead….treat yo self. You deserve it.

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Your Running Plan

Hey y’all! I have decided to share my running plan with each of you! For those who are just getting into running for the first time or those who are current marathon runners – this plan works for anyone! Below are some examples of plans for different levels and the breakdowns for what they all mean!

**I challenge y’all to try this plan for at least a month and see if you feel a difference with not just how you look but MOST importantly – how you will FEEL! :)**

Monday: LR (Long Run) Day – this is the longest run of the week. Start with 2 miles if you are new to running or if you are already running start at what your longest runs usually are.

Tuesday: PR (Personal Record) Day – this is your ALL OUT pace! Really challenge yourself here and run as fast as you would in an actual race! For those running 2-3 miles for your LR, start out with 1 mile on your PR day. If you currently run 4-8 miles for your LR days, run 2-3 miles for your PR day.

Wednesday: PPM Days – run 45 seconds slower than your time for your PR yesterday and add 1 mile to what you ran yesterday.

Thursday: PR Day – Same as Tuesday

Friday: PPM Day – run 45 seconds slower than your time on Thursday but since it’s Friday give yourself a break and don’t bother adding on the extra mile as you did on Wednesday…give your body some rest and love!

Every other week you will add an extra mile to each of your current mileages for every day of the week. (So if you ran 5 miles on Monday you would run 6 miles after two weeks.) 

Example: 

-For those just starting out –

Monday: 2 miles

Tuesday: 1 mile (all out pace)

Wednesday: 2 miles (45 sec slower than Tuesdays pace)

Thursday: 1 mile (all out pace)

Friday: 1 mile (45 sec slower than Thursdays pace)

Example #2:

Monday: 4 miles

Tuesday: 2 miles (all out pace)

Wednesday: 3 miles (45 sec slower than Tuesdays pace)

Thursday: 2 miles (all out pace)

Friday: 2 miles (45 sec slower than Thursdays pace)

Example #3: 

Monday: 7 miles

Tuesday: 3 miles (all out pace)

Wednesday: 4 miles (45 sec slower than Tuesdays pace)

Thursday: 3 miles (all out pace)

Friday: 3 miles (45 sec slower than Thursdays pace)

If you feel like you need a more personalized mileage plan or what your exact plan would look like feel free to message me and I’d love to help you out! Proud of y’all and your motivation to get your hot bods in even better shape annnd most importantly to feel healthy & happy bout lifee! 🙂 

 

 

3 Step Routine your Skin is Craving!!

 

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Tired of stubborn acne and uneven skin tones? I have the perfect skin routine for you! Rather than suggesting yet another skin product, let me start by giving you a little science lesson on what your skin needs!

 

The Science of Skin: The epidermis is protected by an external layer of dead, dry, tightly knit cells (outer stratum corneum) arranged like shingles on a roof. Any disruption to the acid mantle or elevation of overall skin pH interferes with the protective barrier. This pulls cells away from each other and results in dehydration, roughness, irritation, and noticeable flaking. Skin is left defenseless and susceptible to further environmental damage.

As cells pull apart, minute breaks become exposed, leaving skin more vulnerable to bacterial invasion. Under normal pH levels, bacteria has a difficult time penetrating through the stratum corneum and the acid mantle creates a hostile environment for bacteria. When a rise in pH occurs, your skin’s potential for infection increases, a loss of normal skin integrity results, and a variety of skin diseases and disorders flare.

Washing the skin with moderately or highly alkaline soap or detergents (in which most brands contain) is one of the most common mistakes made that strips away the acid mantle.

Skincare: MILK is an excellent skin maintenance system that will continually facilitate new skin cell generation, exfoliation, and moisture retention. Cleanse, tone and moisturize without stripping or irritating the skin, while also retaining the natural acid and lipid protective cover of the skin.

 

Milk Based: The milk base is derived utilizing our one of a kind procedure and contains a wealth of highly active skin rejuvenating substances in naturally balanced proportions. These substances provide many skin related benefits.

-Stimulate capillary circulation

-Exfoliate dead skin cells

-Promote healthy skin cell turnover and generation

-Retain the natural acid and lipid protection cover of the skin

-Restore and maintain the proper skin pH balance

-Give the skin elasticity and smoothness

-Reduce the appearance of wrinkles and fine lines

 

Formula: MILK is proudly made in the beautiful community of Mountain Green, Utah by our in-house milk scientists. They carefully monitor each step in the production of our products, from procurement of the top grade raw materials through the critical milk-base production and the final blending of the individual components into a remarkable skin care product.

 

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Now that you have a little background on why this routine is so different than any other and how bad your skin is craving it, let me walk you through the three steps!

 

Step 1: Milk Cleanser

Milk Cleanser uses our milk base, which contains a wealth of highly active skin rejuvenating substances in naturally balanced proportions. Washing the skin with moderately or highly alkaline soap or detergents is one of the most common mistakes made that strips away the protective acid layer. This lactic acid crème-based cleanser will gently remove bacteria without stripping or irritating the skin, retaining the natural acid and lipid protective cover of the skin.

 

Step 2: Milk Toner

Milk Toner is used to tone and gently exfoliate while maintaining delicate skin pH. The aloe-vera component is soothing to minor skin irritations, while the witch hazel is an effective astringent to close pores and facilitate blood flow in the skin. The milk base component adds hydrating effects in the skin while the lactic acid provides gentle exfoliation. Vitamins and minerals help keep the skin smooth, healthy, and even.

 

Step 3: Milk Crème

Milk Crème contains 16% natural milk components and moisturizes the driest of skins, leaving you with a youthful glow. With its combination of the alpha-hydroxy lactic acid and vitamins A and E, it gently penetrates the skin surface and helps exfoliate and release dead skin cells. This helps promote healthy skin cell turnover and reduces fine lines and wrinkles. It is non-comedogenic and absorbs into the skin quickly without a lingering greasy feeling. Milk Crème is alcohol free and contains allantoin, jojoba oil, and rhodopsin oil, which are all natural and beneficial to the skin.

 

After three easy steps, your routine is complete! It is recommended to perform twice a day (morning & night). Please let me know if you have any questions as there has been a lot of information shared! I am so excited for you and know you will LOVE the results! And if for any reason you are not satisfied, you can receive all your money back free of charge!

How to purchase: Message me or visit https://hollyelise.maskcarabeauty.com/en/shop/party-6384/23 and click under the tabs “Shop” & “Skin.”

 

 

 

 

How to Not Care What Others Think and Actually Live Your Life

One of the most liberating feelings is when you are able to let go of others expectations and thoughts about you and truly just be you. It can be so hard in a world full of social media; while social media does have its perks of course, there are also clear drawbacks. We can be found constantly comparing ourselves to others and at the end of the day how productive is this? I think it’s time to stop caring so much about what others think and rather focus that attention on what we think of ourselves. Easier said than done – believe me I’m constantly a work in progress; but the more we practice letting go of other’s expectations and thoughts about us the more we are able to focus our attention on things that actually matter.

So what are the things that actually matter? Serving others and serving oneself are the main concerns in which are necessary to put our attention on. When I say serving one self I don’t mean trying to make yourself look better or act better to get more praise or attention; instead I mean giving all that praise and attention to yourself from yourself. This is practicing true self-love and enables you to be able to freely give to others without any hidden motives or agendas. At the end of the day you want to be surrounded by people that love you for you and if that’s not good enough for others – so be it. It is crucial you love you for you so you don’t feel as though it is a need to find the love from outside sources. Validation from others is just icing on the cake; however you are in charge of the way you view yourself no matter how anyone externally views you.

So how do you let go of what others think of you? Aside from loving oneself and others, understanding your emotions and what’s going on within oneself is key. Because distorted thoughts and believes are so unpleasant to experience in reality and because they invite us to feel fear and believe that the distorted thoughts might be true, we as humans use strategies to control and deny the distorted thoughts and false believes from our emotional, spiritual, and sometimes physical sight – to defend ourselves against pain, sorrow, hurt, fear and anything else that would cause us emotional, physical, or spiritual discomfort. We become masterful at denying ourselves the gifts of connection because we are afraid to experience reality and all emotions that connect with reality and truth.

Truth about emotion:

  • Your thoughts create your emotions. Your emotions our outcomes of your perceptions (distorted or truthful perceptions)
  • Whether your thoughts are in truth or distortion, you’ll feel corresponding emotions. Your emotions are not indicators of the truth, because remember – your thoughts are what create your emotions.
  • If you choose to avoid uncomfortable/painful emotions (be in distortion), you will be unable to find the truth.

Rather, choose to focus on clarifying what the truth is (thinking truthful thoughts), and you will experience the appropriate emotions (painful or pleasurable) to teach you and raise your awareness.

Every time you see yourself comparing or wondering what others are thinking of you –  take time to reflect what you think about you. Is that enough? If not start practicing self love and day by day it will get easier to not even pay attention to what others may think of you. For more information regarding how to practice this daily self love – visit the validation tab. And always remember you have infinite worth no matter what you’ve done or who thinks what of you.

 

Mirror Mirror, What Do You See?

 

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When you look in the mirror, are you satisfied with the person looking back? Are you happy with the person you are becoming? It is important you love that image in the mirror and the first step in loving that beautiful face is practicing good self care for yourself starting from within. It’s easy to care externally for yourself by showering and doing your hair, etc. However, what most people find the hardest (which is the key that is the most important) is caring internally for yourself.

This kind of self care includes…

  • Taking responsibility for yourself
  • Being emotionally honest and transparent
  • Being conscious of what is motivating you
  • Being humble, open and teachable
  • Accepting vulnerability
  • Validation and compassion for self
  • Asking curious questions to identify your motives
  • Challenging distorted thought and false beliefs and reframing them into truth

However, if you are not being emotionally honest with yourself you are brought into self neglect. Self neglect is denying oneself of nurturing, truth, vulnerability, validation and reality – which creates thoughts, feelings, and ultimately behaviors that are destructive. You can act out these behaviors through constant distractions of life or through trying to control every aspect of life. Don’t worry, we all are in a constant state of going in and out of distortion – however it is our responsibility to try our best to stay in the truth and be kind to ourselves to avoid going into self neglect.

Self care is the stable and constant path of replacing distorted thoughts and false beliefs with truth. It is the antidote to distorted thoughts and false beliefs because self care connects you with truth and reality. It creates connection with God, self and others.

Self love is the consistent outcome of being honest and responsive because when you don’t love yourself, you become dependent on others for things they can never give you – a sense of acceptance, worth, confidence and purpose. 

No one can ever “make you” be enough, worthy, valued or beautiful. YOU are ultimately responsible for everything going on within you – which means reconnecting with the truth that you are worthy, loved and divine. So start loving yourself more today and as the days go by, the easier it will become! Trust me! It will take work as your mind will want to go back to self neglect because it’s “easier” there….but once you train your brain to think in the truth, you will never want to go back to the way you used to live! Loving yourself is the first key to happiness and the only way you are able to genuinely give to others. I challenge you to reframe your thoughts by thinking of three TRUTHFUL positive thoughts anytime you are stuck thinking a negative thought about yourself.

I hope this helps y’all understand the concept of self love a little more. Never doubt yourself, you are incredible in every single way – no matter what anyone says because we all have the same infinite worth at the end of the day.