False beliefs affect your thinking, feelings and behavior. The way they influence you is by provoking these pathways to pain in your life:
- Self-Neglect – A lack of boundaries or positive habits that maintain your health and safety.
- Control – Attempting to evade fear and vulnerability by engaging in vain attempts to control the emotions and behavior of self and others.
- Distraction – Attempting to avoid pain by engaging in denial in order to not recognize (and believe you are not responsible for) the reality in front of you. Staying mentally and emotionally distracted with anything other than reality (truth).
Every Drama Requires Characters
Drama’s characters are the victim, the persecutor, and the controller. All three play very distinct roles and they each have clearly perceived “needs.” The “needs” that you think you have when you are in drama are lies. The truth is that what you need is to be out of drama. You need honesty, responsibility, and humility. Entering into drama creates pseudo-relationships that perpetuate distorted thoughts/false beliefs, and distort reality and truth.
Distorted thoughts and false beliefs are the cue that drama is present. In the following example, notice the dramatic roles (victim, controller, persecutor) being played out.
“Needs” to be irresponsible for oneself
“I’ll never be understood.”
“It’s not fair!”
“You’re always mad at me.”
I can’t do anything right.”
“Needs” to control people, situations, & emotions
Manipulative – wants a certain emotional outcome
“Needs” to be right, aggressive
Views situations as threatening
Judge & jury; everything goes by me
Feels threatened – justifies aggression
Is perfect/never makes mistakes
Outcomes of Drama
An outcome of participating in drama (lies) is that false beliefs and distorted thoughts (lies) are reinforced. As we engage in drama (lies), our attention is shifted away from ourselves as though others are the source of our problem (which is a lie).
The instant you:
- Choose to be responsible for your feelings
- Choose to be responsible for your distorted thoughts
- Choose to be honest about your motives
….you will exit drama.
AND, you will re-enter drama gain if you:
- Choose not to take responsibility
- Choose not to be responsible for your distorted thoughts
- Choose not to be honest about your motives
It is vital that you understand that the feelings you experience when you are in drama are NOT accurate or in truth. Being in drama is evidence you are inside your own distorted thoughts/false beliefs. Therefore, your emotions are an outcome –a reaction- of those distorted thoughts, and will be “off,” skewed, and not in truth. It is so important to not react to your emotions and believe that because you feel something intensely that it must be the truth. That philosophy, belief, or reaction is NOT the truth – and it leads many people away from finding the truth, because they aren’t willing or open/humble to get curious about why they feel the way they do. Look for the thoughts that are creating and supporting the emotions (strong or mild) and identify if those thoughts are in truth or distortion.
Don’t react to emotions without becoming curious about the thoughts that are creating them.
The way out of drama is to connect (be honest, responsible and humble).
-If you’re in drama, what you need is validation.
-If others are in drama, what they need is validation.
-If you “don’t feel like” giving yourself or others validation, you are in drama.
To truly exit drama you must:
- Ask questions of curiosity to identify distortion
- Identify feelings/triggers
- Receive validation from self and/or another person
- Reframe distorted thoughts back into truth
I encourage you to pay close attention to yourself this week on when you notice yourself slipping into drama. Don’t become upset with yourself, just keep practicing on getting back into the truth of the situation and you will see your life gradually becoming more meaningful as you are livin drama free!