It is often we as humans find ourselves in the cycle of codependency. Whether this pertains to friends, family or boyfriends/girlfriends – we can find ourselves becoming almost addicted to being with or talking to this person to the point that it is hard for us to be content with being alone. The truth is however, dependency is not always bad, in fact you can have a very healthy dependency. This type of healthy dependency is called an interdependency. In order to have this type of relationship, it is crucial you take care and love yourself first and then bring that connection to the relationship and vice versa. This creates a safe and trusting relationship.
However, when you don’t care for and love yourself, you become dependent on others for things they can never give to you – a sense of acceptance, worth, confidence and purpose. Just as stated before, as no one can breathe or eat for you – the same principle applies to loving oneself. No one can ever “make you” be enough, worthy, valued or beautiful. You are ultimately responsible for everything going on within you. This requires self-care which is both a liberating and terrifying principle that requires being personally responsible and honest consistently with oneself.
It is easy to let distortion creep in and have distorted thoughts and false beliefs from the adversary linger in your mind. However, the truth is, it doesn’t matter what you have done or where you have been – your worth is infinite and will always stay the same no matter what. The whole concept of self-care is treating yourself the way you would if you truly believed you had infinite worth.
In many cases people tend to distract themselves from these false beliefs and lies the adversary tells them by falling into the trap of distractions which can then lead into addictions. Technically, we can be addicted and therefore codependent to many things including working out, watching television, or even activities that are generally healthy for us. However, consuming all you do on one thing is never healthy no matter what it may be. Instead it is crucial to maintain a balanced life. It is important to remember that you can show characteristics of addictive behavior and not necessarily be addicted to that person or thing. However, if this becomes a pattern you will soon find yourself in an addiction most likely being performed to distract you from the distortions you are feeding your mind.
You may find you are even co-dependent on receiving validation from people. It’s almost like a drug you are craving. This is a sign that you are not giving yourself the proper validation you need. Because validation is necessary, it’s important to be able to give ourselves this validation and not fully rely on others for it. This way you are capable and in control of your own life rather than desperately seeking any source of validation you can receive. Once you are able to do this, you will notice yourself starting to validate those around you more. You are no longer trying to seek out that validation because you already have it; rather you have a clear mind and an ability to focus on the needs of others.
Okay so how do I give myself this validation?
Remaining emotionally honest with yourself and listening to what your soul and body need and then making a plan in which you can control (not controlled by others) in which you can obtain these things. Listening to yourself and how you are feeling will lead you to really become deep within yourself and figure out what is driving your decisions in your everyday life.
Self-Care is about reversing habits of self-neglect, control, and distraction. It is developing the habits you would if you truly believed in your intrinsic worth. It is also recognizing and breaking habits that distract you from feeling, understanding and accepting/surrendering uncomfortable emotions. When you practice self-care you are humble and teachable and are taking responsibility for self, being emotionally honest and transparent, being conscious of what is motivating you, and challenging distorted thoughts and beliefs by reframing them into the truth.
Being conscious of the “why’s” (why you do things) will give you awareness of your motives (why and what is supporting you to choose the things you do?). Awareness of – and being responsible for – your motives will support you to be emotionally honest and personally responsible for any of lives choices you make and the outcomes those choices create.
Ask yourself…. are you being motivated by self-neglect (distorted thoughts & false beliefs) or self-care (self-love, reality & truth)?
Self-care is motivated by: Emotional honesty, consciousness of your motives, humbly following through with commitments to self and others, acknowledging and being honest about your vulnerability, validating yourself and others, and being willing to be responsible for the outcome of your choices. Self-care is connection.
Self-neglect is motivated by: Unwillingness to be emotionally honest and personally responsible, excusing or denying commitments made, lack of awareness of oneself, taking things “personal,” and the lack of self-validation. Self-neglect reinforces false beliefs and distorted thoughts.
Your Personal Self Care Plan:
Emotionally: How do I want to care for my own needs and desires?
Mental: How do I want to develop my mind in order to think more in the truth?
Spiritual: How can I connect with the Lord?
Physical: How do I plan to care for my body?
Social: How do I want to connect with others?